Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening? I go from town to town. They all look the same, with their church, poverty and immigration rates. Before, I was stuck between the ethics of a tourist and a journalist. Now, I’m just hanging from the thread of survival since I don’t write anymore, and this is now my temporary home.
I have no creative prose to express what I’m feeling. I’m sad and tired. It’s really simple, yet I don’t know how to continue moving on. I already accepted that what I can do for them is limited, but it’s still hard to accept reality. It feels as if I were fighting against centuries of rigid mentalities, visible injustices, and giving up. How to escape from this reality where I can only see the bad things: violence, corruption, bureaucracy, poverty, discrimination, powerlessness, shit and more shit.
Sometimes, I just feel like running away, and abandon them, just like many of their relatives and friends moved to the US. I feel alone in this struggle, and I want to forget about it. I don’t want to get stuck in these towns where time changes nothing. Is this really my country? I can’t feel part of it. It’s me against it, and it seems it doesn’t even want to fight with me. This country is fine, and it will continue ignoring every fight that comes in its way.
I’ve alway felt that I don’t belong to the place where I am, and now that I finally feel that I belong, I don’t want to belong.