Dancing in the madness
My body shattered into pieces as I abruptly opened my eyes. I couldn’t move; everything was so heavy and light. I don’t know if it were the astrological movements or the change of times, or the simple belief that to end a cycle I had to let go. The sadness in my soul was unbearable, I could hear its chains as I walked toward the shower. They didn’t feel part of me, anymore.
Is there anything more pathetic than crying in the shower? You’re naked, unable to distinguish the tears from the water…and you’re naked, crying, feeling sorry for yourself. You succumb, bend your knees finally, sit on the wet floor and pray. You talk to God in an attempt to try their feel-good methods. You give up, accept that you don’t know what else to do and then say some blasphemy. You realize you have diverged, like always.
Then you remember her. She was beautiful and free, and loved to speak out. Many of the times she would say truths hidden under sarcasm and crack jokes that covered up her innermost feelings. She was addicted to movement and those random nights in which only two bodies exist. She yearned for a tender hand cradling hers, yet her hunger for life let that hand go so many times. She loved drama. She loved to say that she couldn’t live without you and then she would cry after realizing that she could definitely live without you. Sometimes she just wanted to shake things up: destroy and transform. Sometimes, she should’ve just shut the fuck up.
You laugh and realize that although you have decided to say goodbye to her, she will always be part of you and you won’t punish yourself for it. It is then when you understand that you’re ready to dance in the madness that you have always denied. The question remains, however. How to embrace your own madness when the madness of the world inhabits your mind?
As you question yourself while the water runs down your naked sexy body, it happens: that damn moment when the shampoo gets in your eyes. You cry again, unable to get it out of your eyes, just like everything else in your life. And that’s how fucking ridiculous life is!