Post-breakup Rants//Her fucking cycle of love…

You always knew she was going to write about you. It’s not because you’re interesting or because you deserve your own blank page. It’s because she decided to make a story out of you.

You also knew there was not going to be a happy ending in this story. She’s obsessed with narrating every single moment in her mind and she doesn’t want to tell the same story for the rest of her life.

Picture her moments before deciding to come to this world. She was choosing her family, her hometown and the other things you’re allowed to choose before your physical body appears in this dimension. Then, she got to the part where she had to choose the experiences she wanted to live and the lessons she wanted to learn. She chose more than what her fragile heart could handle. The good thing, though, is that she chose you…and many others.

She is honest, however. Every time she said she loved you she meant it. And every time she wanted to imagine a future with you, she did. There are times when we want to go against our nature. She wants to believe that she can actually be a loving, faithful woman. She wants him to adore her every second, and the seconds when he can’t do that, he will still know that she deserves to be adored. She wants to have that love story everybody is having. She imagines the whole picture, yet she knows she will not be able to get through it.

We think we are cool; playing all these roles that make us (stronger). We are writers, intellectual readers, travelers, artists…whatever we want we can (pretend to) be. You want everything and you’re realizing you’re staying with nothing. Just stories of people you loved and hurt, of people who loved you and you stopped loving for wanting a different kind of love. A different story where you would have the ownership again because that’s the trick: you want them to narrate the story with you but when they start you are not ready to let go.

And that’s her fucking cycle of love. You got her, you knew what she was trying to do, and you even decided to play her game, but you deeply knew there will always be another story waiting: her own story.